Dealing with the Startup Police

Most of the people I get to work with are founders of or executives at startups. Over time a concept has emerged for me that I call the “Startup Police”. The startup police often appear as the judgemental, commonly god-like voice of a respected figure in the startup world that they heard from. Frequently it’s a combination of Seth Godin, Paul Graham, Marc Andreessen, Steve Blank, Eric Ries, Bill Gates, etc., or articles, videos or accounts from successful organizations like Google, Uber, Twitter, Facebook, etc. “I read this article that said I should!” or “I watched this video from X explaining how I need to do X.” When we look closer, they discover it is not these people or organizations speaking, but a certain voice inside their head that got internalized. To simplify what that voice is saying would be: “If you don’t do X, your startup will fail.” in one way or another. Meaning “If you don’t follow this playbook, market like this, hire like this, grow like this, etc., then you will fail.”

With all my coaching I invite people to resist the urge to conquer, crush or do away with these thoughts or voices. Instead, I encourage people to do the most powerful and daring thing I know to be doing: That is, to move in closer and look even deeper at what is going on here. In this case, most clients discover that the voice in their heads saying a variation of the above is often drenched with anxiety, fear or insecurity. That voice urges the person to “do it right” and to follow the many “startup rules” that they internalized from what they heard and read of people along the way. Or else…

I’ve observed that there seems to then be 2 main ways that people deal with the startup police voices inside their heads. And if this resonates with you, I’m inviting you to explore a third way instead.

1. Follow it rigorously

I’d say that back when I was a founder, l fell in that category. For most of the beginning years when building our company I would make sure to be in line with my heroes’ way of thinking and rarely dare to venture beyond it. Any big next step, be it around hiring, fundraising, product development, you name it, I’d be sure to get my mentors take on it. And then, more or less, do as they told me to.

This method can lead to success and momentum as it did for me. But it also felt hollow over time and my sense of agency, power, and uniqueness diminished strongly over time. Not an ideal method, I’d say.

2. Walking through the mud with the startup police creeping up behind you

The second response, I’ve observed is quite the opposite. It is when the founder or executive feels less called to do and follow everything they read and hear, but are nonetheless often paralyzed by their inner anxiety on whether what they are doing is right.

These founders and executives tend to move in their own right and power, but often extremely slowly. And they report it happening as if they were wading through mud uncomfortably. This method, I’ve come to believe, is also not ideal.

3. Turning around and meeting w/ the startup police

The third and most effective method l’ve found is to pause. And then to turn around as to see, who that voice in our heads really is. And to meet it tenderly. More often than not it is a scared, anxious and lonely part of the self that has been wounded many times before when it attempted something brave and meaningful. More than anything, it craves connection, love and attention.

This process of turning around is frequently very tender and scary, in a realm that few people feel comfortable venturing into. Or believe is necessary when they start working with me.

Once we work through this, often in a visceral manner involving the body, a new light and path tend to open up. I’ve rarely seen such dramatic shifts in perspective than in the aftermath of a person that has restored their sense of agency and discernment through the above process. It brings me more joy than anything I can think of from coaching.

I know things have changed when I can hear them speak about perspectives that are open to taking in and learning new and old ideas of other, successful founders & organizations. Yet without internalizing it and making it their truth. It is a perspective that can tap into their own values, ideas, and creativity with a deeper and grounded sense of trust in it.

It is from this place that I then see founders take the most powerful action, infused with meaning, purpose and true self-connection. And that is the only way I know of that leads to building something one is both proud of and feels connected to through a personal mission and purpose.