The surprising science of alpha males & females: The most empathetic member of the group

As a teenager, I always thought that the term “alpha male” sounded cool and powerful and worthy of pursuit. What it meant to me from how mainstream culture communicated it to me was to be dominating, strong, talking over people, and generally being on top.

When I reflected on this more over time, it quickly felt icky and didn’t align at all with my values and with the values we were putting in place when I was building software as an entrepreneur with a fully transparent culture. I felt inclined to almost shun the term “alpha” as being overly aggressive, negative, and violent.

Recently this changed, when I came across the actual research that in part coined the term “alpha male” by primatologist Frans de Waal. Although the term was first used in the 50s and 60s to describe research on wolves and how packs organized themselves, it was de Waal and others that dug much deeper into the topic of alphas in the last 40 years or so since the 70s and 80s.
What de Waal observed in numerous studies remains highly counter to the traditional ideas mainstream society has adopted when it comes to the terminology alpha male.

The most empathetic member of the group is the alpha

One of the things that completely baffled me, but upon closer inspection, makes a lot of sense, was his finding that any alpha in a group of chimpanzees always happens to be the most empathetic member. He analyzed this by studying empathic behavior like consoling, hugging and other indicating moves. Although generally females in any group tend to offer more empathetic behavior to the members of the group, when it comes to the alpha, they show a level of empathy that is way off the charts compared to the rest.

He compared this to leaders, particularly in politics, where, especially when it comes to moments of election or moments of a coalition, the degree of empathetic behavior goes way up.

In my personal experience, although not always the case, I have also found that some of the most, most successful people that I know have also learned to develop a huge degree of empathy for the people that surround them.

Alphas are the most stressed members of a group

A second insight that I took from de Waal’s research, was that the stress level of the highest-ranking members of a group, as he studied it in chimpanzees and bonobos were also the most stressed members of the group.

De Waal calls this one of the “costs of power”, where in order to maintain a high ranking status in a group, it’s extremely important to stay vigilant, which in turn increases long-term stress levels significantly.

Surprisingly here, the lowest stress levels are among those members of the group that are second in place, which seem to enjoy all the benefits of security and good-standing, but don’t share the fear of being toppled, like the person in the alpha-position.

Coalitions and partnerships outperform individual performance

A final takeaway that I found extremely powerful from de Waal’s research was that being or becoming an alpha, although in part relying on one’s individual strength and charisma, also largely depended on one’s ability to form long-term partnership and coalitions.

In a Ted talk de Waal explains how in the above picture, the male on the right is individually the strongest. However the male in the middle, since forming a coalition with the much older male on the left, is the alpha and undoubtedly so over the years.

My own takeaways for leadership and human connection

The term “alpha” translates into “leader” for me. What encourages me from seeing how alphas operate in societies like chimps, that are genetically closest to us as humans, is how much focus there lies naturally on empathy and partnership.

I notice that the more I work with leaders and CEOs in particular that the more empathetic they become, the better partnerships they are able to form and the more successful those become that take to a more empathetic lens to lead their businesses.

When I reflect on my life in a Buddhist monastery, the values of empathy, understanding, and collaboration were naturally placed on the forefront of peacefully living together. Since then, I’m also coming to the realization, that not just for the life of a Buddhist monk or nun, it is those same human qualities that support us on any path of life, whether as a CEO, leader, or any person in the world at all.

The more we all learn to deal with stress, and develop our ability to remain empathetic, first towards ourselves, but then also towards our fellow people in our communities, the more beautifully and powerfully life can unfold.

I coach from the idea that successful and happy & fulfilled are not at odds with each other. And that both aspects need careful tending if we wish for it in our lives. To see that the qualities that support happiness, also support the qualities of success, although I feel this deeply as my own truth, is a welcome surprise to seem to emerge similarly from this research.

Alpha females

What I find somewhat disappointing, was the lacking research on female alphas, which are most present in matriarchical societies like the bonobos. The fact that we have studied alpha males so much more than alpha females sends a strong message in itself.

The one example de Waal does share in his research was about an alpha female by the name of “mama”. What was obvious from her empathetic behavior, was that although she lacked the physical strength to compete with the males, her level of consoling was to a degree that brought such unity and loyalty, that her being the centre of the group was natural.

Questions that sprung out of this for me

What does it mean to be the leader of a group?
How can we learn to cope with the “costs of power”, particularly in relation to stress levels?
In order to grow, how much emphasis do you place on your capacity to have empathy and to form long-term partnerships?